


not numb (but not feeling too much now)

by herwhiteknight



Series: after. [1]
Category: RWBY
Genre: (kinda), Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Introspection, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-19 12:11:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22710640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herwhiteknight/pseuds/herwhiteknight
Summary: It takes time. But slowly, Blake is healing.
Relationships: Blake Belladonna/Yang Xiao Long
Series: after. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1633390
Comments: 3
Kudos: 47





	not numb (but not feeling too much now)

**Author's Note:**

> Got emo about Blake, couldn't sleep. Too many WIPs and series already but hey. When the midnight muse hits, you listen to her.

Lying in bed used to be difficult for Blake. Physically, she could, but the mental implication of the act was oft too much for her to deal with. Laying down, being comfortable, covered, resting - that meant sleep. And as much as lying down was simple, as easy as it was to cover up and get comfortable, as heavy as her eyes often grew, sleep was not something she sought. She could read for hours on end in a pleasant haze, exhaustion easily slipping her eyes shut every few sentences. But the second she bookmarked her spot, certain she'd be asleep within minutes, her mind would snap into awareness the second her head touched the pillow - her heart racing the moment her eyes closed.

And she'd reach for the book once more. And open it. And distracted once more, exhaustion would hit.

It wouldn't be until several years later, after the trauma of Adam's hold, that Blake would finally realize the reason for her sleepless nights. Though she'd never truly why it took her so long to realize the truth - but once it clicked into place, it all made sense.

For Blake, sleep meant nightmares. And if she could keep herself awake, or keep herself distracted, her thoughts would never get a chance to turn in a direction that she couldn't control. Because in all senses of unconsciousness, there was no control left for her in the realm of sleep.

But - as things eventually do, given enough passage of time (as painful as time can be) - it got easier. She started to learn how to let her mind rest, how to breathe and settle and relax - even without distractions. She started to associate sleep with a time of healing. It got easier, too, with the right company. An external warmth that supported and stoked the gentle flame of her own inner strength. It wasn't that she couldn't do it alone, of course, there was only so much an outside body could do to treat internal damage. 

And some nights were harder. Some nights, the nightmares would return. And sleeping became daunting all over again. For a time. A day, or a week. An hour. Despite that - there was a gentle determination that flickered within her all the same. It wouldn't be doused by anything or anyone. Not even herself or her own inner demons or fears.

That recovery was hers to claim, and hers alone. 

**Author's Note:**

> Also lol it's a pure coincidence that the word count is 404 but it's just making me chuckle. Error 404 adam not found fuck off


End file.
